Sunday, November 7, 2004

Blogging Again after Many Months

It seems impossible that almost four months have elapsed since I last thought of my blog. There are so many other people's writings to read that I forget to ruminate on the life of one little, old lady. The husband recovered from his surgery physically, but has lost some of his zest for life. After his surgery, the docs got their hands on my neck and reamed out my left carotid artery. Really, it was supposed to be a simple thing, but it has turned into a major event with a rush back to surgery on the day after the original grand opening. Things were okay, but I never do anything the easy way. Scared my poor family, but oddly enough --- I went back to the land of scalpels and sponges with the thought that I was dying and did not fear. Go figure!
The biggest event of this summer has been the intensity of the presidential election. Our oldest daughter was a wreck with all the political bull-s*** on T.V. Myself, I could not stand to hear all the garbage and justifications by political hacks --- even FOX network started getting a little hinky by the end. We were packing to leave for six months in Florida (the 2000 election fiasco) while awaiting the results of 2004. Wouldn't you know --- Ohio was the state to decide this year's winner? Perhaps we should leave Ohio and Florida or learn to live with the shame of ineptitude. We are rejoicing in the Bush win and trying very hard to be good winners --- you know, being humble and not rubbing anyone's nose in it. But! It's so hard to listen to the whining and crapola from the Democrats since they realized on Wednesday that "flyover country" embodies the values of the majority of Americans. Their attempts to pull every minority into their fold will give them just that --- lots of diverse, little minorities with axes to grind. I feel so absolved to know that down home values and spirituality are still alive and well, though bowed and bloody from years of attacks from the left. Heard tell today that people are turning in their citizenship and planning to move to Canada --- Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out! Hey, just putting this down makes me feel better. I'm gonna go get an ice cream cone and celebrate "Old W's" win. Also, "Cheers" to my grandson who will go to the Inaugral Balls, because he works for a Republican govenor. Life is pretty good, after all!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Late, Again

It finally happened and we lived through the whole experience. He (being my husband of fifty years) had that open heart surgery and his aortic valve was replaced with a cow's valve. When he heard that it would be a bovine graft, he wanted "a bull's valve". I suppose they used the cow valve, so I could not tell him he is full of bull! Sometime later, when he is not so weak and debilitated, I will tell him what a pain in the arse he was asking the same questions and making the same statements over and over. I know I would react the exact same way, if I could do nothing for six weeks. Thank God for the T.V. It has only been eleven days and things are just fine, but I am wearing down. However, if I allow myself to think of what I would have done had he died --- too much to even contemplate. You, who are young and own the world have no idea what lies ahead. If you were to think of your "golden years", you could not imagine the thoughts and feelings that ramble around in your silvered head and the regrets that multiply over the things you have never done. Do them! Get off your butts and do whatever it is that you think you will get around to someday in the distant future. It is not so distant!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Upon Seeing the Difference Between Ages

Reading the blogs of other people, somewhat younger people --- makes me feel that the boat came in and I missed it. Their words are so upbeat and cutesy. Is it that we of a much older generation have stopped growing or is it that they think they are more chic and sophisticated than real life? At twenty, thirty and yes, even forty, we were not given the freedom to express the longings and burdens of our hearts. Alas, we come to the later years and once more have no freedom --- another generation has taken the reins from our hands and are whipping the horses into a frenzy of activity. We are clueless and limited by our narrow upbringing in the fifties. Beaver's mom truly did exist and morality was not merely an ideal of a simplistic society, but a tried and true path from which we were tempted, but afraid to stray. The unknown along the wayside held too many evils and we knew the prize that waited beside the straight path. How are young people so unafraid to try all the temptations along the way? Do their parents bail them out of trouble until they are old enough to have experienced all the unfettered joys of this world and can step onto the straight path and claim the prize? Unfair is the only word I can think in reference to the bright, new citizens of the world. We didn't get to do it all! Perhaps, I will start to live a free and spirited life when I am old enough --- old enough to "dance as though nobody is watching".

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Thoughts on late life

It's late in the evening, but even later in life. Once sixty-five has come and gone, you are left looking into a glass darkly --- the things you always thought you would do someday are suddenly unimportant and not even very interesting any more. You begin wondering what was so wonderful about a trip along the "left coast highway" or seeing Vermont in the fall. Living a few more years is suddenly a priority. Seeing your grandchildren launched successfully into the world is a priority. You pray to be healthy enough to take care of yourself and your mate to the very end, without having to depend on the already overburdened children in your life. Learning that my husband will in most probability be having a couple of porcine heart valve grafts scares me for him. I don't want to be frightened, --- I want to trust in God that he will have many more years on this earth, but I wonder what life would be like without him. Unbearable! He is my best friend, companion, lover, my life as I know it. He is not afraid to die, but is afraid of the surgery. I can tell by the comments he makes. I would be scared to death to face something like that. How odd! How can you be scared to death and yet, not die? We are running around trying to fix things around the house --- against that day, or possibly to enjoy for a few more years? I watch the shows about clearing out your "stuff" and think that someday, I'll clear out some of my "stuff" so my kids won't have to go through fifty years of accumulating, but death will probably surprise me by coming when I least expect it and certainly before I am ready. I think I am having a bad day. Maybe, the sun will shine tomorrow.

Friday, May 21, 2004

I Have to Begin Somewhere

Since I have to begin somewhere, I'll begin by saying thank you to my darlin' granddaughter for showing me where to blog. Kacey