Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Somedays, we need some fun!

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.


A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.


A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' ***********************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay. ********************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' ***************************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.


Molly said...

Thanks for the laughs! The one about the nuns was a hoot, as was the one about Herman---maybe he went to Canada!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i liked the nun one best too! and i think you can comment now, you'll see...

smiles, bee

Carine said...

LOL Kacey, loved each one-and I needed the laugh that's for sure!

Betty said...

Well, Kacey, your sense of humor lines up nicely with mine. I needed a few good laughs- thanks!


Granny Annie said...

These are so great! Most of them were oldies but still so funny. I won't share the one about the woman cooking eggs with my spouse:)

Cathy said...

Oh Thank you, my dear friend, for giving me such a good laugh!

Big Dave T said...

We can always use a good joke. Funny but just yesterday I just had a dream that I was telling some girl I knew in high school the plumber and parrot joke.

You remember that one, right? A plumber knocks at a house, where nobody is home save for a parrot. Hearing the knock, the parrot says, "Who is it?" one of the few phrases he was taught.

"The plumber," the man responds, then waits. After a time has passed and no answer, the man knocks again. "Who is it?" the parrot calls out.

The plumber!" the man said, growing frustrated. Again, nobody comes to the door. Finally, blood pressure rising, the man pounds hard on the door. "Who is it?" the parrot replies again.

"THE PLUMBER" the man says. With the effort and the stress, he has a heart attack and dies on the spot. When the lady arrives home and sees his body, she cries out, "Oh my god, who is it?" From inside, the parrot says, "The plumber."

Loving Annie said...

hee-hee Kacey, all of those were great ! :)